6 Behaviors That Scare Men Off | Dating Advice for Women by Mat Boggs

6 Behaviors That Scare Men Off | Dating Advice for Women by Mat Boggs


Mat Boggs: Hey, this is Mat Boggs, and today
we’re going to look at six behaviors that actually push men away. The reason this is important is because the
flip side of these behaviors are actually what draw men closer to you. Sometimes in relationships we don’t even know
the kinds of things that we’re doing that push people away or actually draw them in,
so this is going to shed some light on that for you. Check it out. Behavior number one is playing games. This is when you’re not really being true
to your authentic self. It’s like he texts you, text comes in, and
you’re like, “I could text him back. But you know what? I’ve been told that waiting actually draws
more desire or creates desire for him. I’m going to wait a day.” Or he asked you out and you’re not busy, you
could hang out, but you tell them you’re busy because you’re just trying to create the appearance
that you have an amazing life. Everyone has an authentic meter in them, and
we can feel the authenticity meter in each other. For example, you and I have an authenticity
meter. And when we’re being authentic to who we are,
it’s right in the center. It’s aligned with who you are. But when you’re trying to be something you’re
not, it goes to the side, and it’s like you’re off centers, you’re off balance. People can actually sense this when you’re
off balance. What you want to do is bring it back to center
to really be yourself. Because when you’re yourself, he’s going to
feel that in you and be drawn to you. Behavior number two is being too aloof. This is where you don’t actually show that
you’re interested in him. You don’t give him compliments. You don’t tell him you’re attracted to him. You don’t get excited when he calls. It’s this because often women will put on
this facade of playing hard to get, like I’m not that interested. Well, the challenge is men don’t invest in
relationships where they don’t feel like it’s got a shot or a chance. One of the ways we know, hey, this might actually
go somewhere is if you’re giving us or showing us interest. Now, you don’t want that pendulum to swing
to the extreme, and we’re going to talk about that in just a moment, but actually showing
interest, actually letting him know you’re attracted to him. Letting him know you’re interested in him,
letting him know you want him will actually draw him in. Behavior number three is the opposite of being
too aloof, and that’s treating him as if he’s perfect. I remember one of my best friends was dating
this woman. He really liked her, and they were spending
the night together. He was telling me that they were brushing
their teeth about ready to go to bed, and she stops brushing her teeth. She looks over at him and she goes, “Oh my
gosh, you are perfect.” He said in that moment he wanted to cringe
and just run because he knows he’s not perfect. He knows he’s got a bunch of flaws. And if she is saying you are perfect, men
take that as if you’re putting him on a pedestal and you’ve got a false view of him. And the moment you actually get to know him,
the moment you know that he is really flawed, and he’s got a bunch of things that aren’t
perfect, you’re not going to want him. You’re not going to love him anymore. What’s way more powerful is to actually have
the vibration of love and acceptance, that you’re in to him but that you’re willing to
love him for his imperfections, that you’re willing to accept him for who he is in this. You’re not putting him on this false pedestal. Being loved and accepted for who we are is
actually one of the strongest draws and the strongest forms of connections we can have
as human beings. And behavior number four is an attitude of
entitlement. Nobody likes people who feel entitled. You don’t like people who feel entitled. And men, we don’t like people who feel entitled. Here’s the challenge. As a man, we know that one of our roles is
to provide. It’s been that way for thousands of years. And whether or not you can provide equally
as he can provide, it’s hardwired in us that ability to provide. Men who have done a successful job at earning
money for themselves, they become financially successful, often, it’s very easy for women
to take advantage of that situation. And most men have felt taken advantage of
where women expect nice things, expect nice restaurants, expect to be taken out, and buy
me this, and fly me here, and do this for me. That attitude of entitlement is incredibly
off-putting. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t want
or like nice things or even want him to pay. I’m of the belief he should be paying. He should be providing. He should be taking out, even though you might
be making more money than he is. He should be leading with that. But here’s a very easy, simple way to flip
the script and instead of pushing him away with entitlement draw him in with gratitude. No matter what level of success we are in
our lives, and what I’ve come to find is the most successful people in the world are often
the ones who are humble, who are often the ones who are first to say thank you, who are
first to live from this state of gratitude. Wow, I love this. Thank you for this dinner. This is so amazing. Highly successful people, I mean, truly successful
people, live from that vibration. That’s one of the things I love about my wife. I mean, our finances are merged. And even when I take her out for a date night,
I pay. I pay for the bill, and she’ll say, “Thank
you so much. This was amazing.” She shows gratitude in that moment. I know that she’s paying for half the bill. Our finances are merged. But just the gratitude is so endearing and
it totally draws him in. And number five. Now, I know that I’m going to get blowback
for this one. I know that some of you are not going to like
this. You’re going to disagree with this one. But it’s absolutely true. Number five is emasculating behavior. Now, we first have to define what is emasculating
behavior because there’s a lot of connotations out there and concepts for what it is. Simply put, emasculating behavior is behavior
that demonstrates you don’t believe he has what it takes to accomplish the job. Simply put, you don’t believe that he can
actually do it. That’s emasculating behavior. It often shows up as innocent suggestions. It often shows up as you trying to help or
step in because you actually know how to do the thing better and you can show them how
to do it more efficiently and with a better outcome. But the challenge is, men, we have this deep
wired need to provide and for the ability to figure this out. So you got to ask yourself, is it worth getting
the job done faster? Is that benefit worth the disconnect that
you create with emasculating behavior? I’ll just give you an example. I’ve shared this in another video because
it’s so clean. It’s such a clear example. I’m cutting an onion, helping my wife with
dinner. She asked me, “Will you cut this onion?” So I’m cutting this onion. She comes over, and she goes, “Honey, you’re
not cutting the onion in the right way. You got to turn it like this and cut it like
this.” Now, I would have gotten to the same outcome
at the end of the day with that onion. I would’ve diced it into tiny little pieces. But her coming over and saying, “You’re not
cutting it the right way,” instantly I felt this wall come up. Yes, I know she’s better at cutting onions. Yes, I know she’s a better cook. But what that communicates, even in a underlying
way, is that she actually doesn’t believe that I can do it and that I actually didn’t
provide the job she wanted. Or let’s say that your husband isn’t as handy
around the house and he’s fixing the toilet or the little drain plug that’s in the stopper. The water’s leaking down there, and he’s trying
to figure it out. And you know how to do it, and you can do
it faster. In that moment, you’ve got to decide, am I
going to say, “Honey, you’re not doing this right. Step aside. Let me do this,” which is emasculating behavior,
or let him figure it out? I know that it might be tempting to want to
step in, but the bond that you form by letting him actually do the job is incredible, especially
if you let him figure it out and then celebrate him for a job well done. It is momentous for men. On the flip side of that, the cost of the
emasculating behavior degradates the connection in the relationship. So here’s kind of the rule of thumb. If he’s not going to hurt himself and he’s
not going to hurt anyone else, let him figure it out. Let him proceed. And if you really do want to make a suggestion,
here’s a couple, or make a correction, here’s a couple of phrases that you can use is, “Hey,
honey, can I make a suggestion?” or, “Are you open to some feedback?” Because that question, that lead-in, if he
says yes, then he’s open to it and he receives it much, much better and more effectively. So number five, emasculating behavior. Actually letting him do the job creates an
even stronger connection with him. Number six is called the instant relationship. When you’re dating someone, it’s really easy
to fall into the pattern of just trying to get him to like you before you even know if
you actually like him or not. I see that pattern happen a lot, and that
kind of pattern where he can feel that you’re just trying to get him to like you before
you’ve even decided if you like him or want a long-term relationship. You’ve sort of just assumed I want this instant
relationship. That is actually repelling to men because
men want to feel chosen. Men want to feel selected, selected above
all the other options you have. All the other amazing men that you could choose
out of all of them, you’re choosing him. Every human being, that’s a very, very powerful
feeling to feel chosen. Isn’t it? When he says, “I want you. Out of all these other people, you matter
to me. You’re important to me. You’re beautiful. You’re amazing. And I think you will be the amazing person
in my life. We can have an amazing relationship together.” Well, he wants to feel that same way. So when you get into a relationship and just
try to get him to like you, that communicates, wow, she’s willing to have this instant relationship
with me. There’s something called the commitment connection
factor. Here’s what it means. When the connection is leading the commitment,
these two factors are joined by an energetic cord, if you will. And when you’re deepening the connection,
it actually pulls the commitment forward. It’s like if a guy goes on a first date with
you and he pulls out an engagement ring and then proposes, you’d be like, “No,” and you
would think he would be crazy and you wouldn’t want to date him again. Why? Well, it’s simply because you don’t have the
connection with him. You date that same guy for a year, have an
amazing connection with him, and a year later he gets on his knee and proposes to you, now
you’re in tears. You’re happy. You hug him. You say, “Yes, this is amazing.” Why? Because you have a deep, profound connection
with him. So when the connection actually is outpacing
the commitment, it draws the relationship forward. However, when the commitment gets out in front
of the connection, that’s when that cord breaks and the connection actually drops. So when a woman says gives the impression
that she’s like, “I want to be committed. I want to have kids right away. I want to get married right away. I want … ” When he feels that rush of commitment,
it can absolutely kill the connection. So let the connection lead. Let the connection deepen, and that will naturally
draw the commitment forward for the both of you. So my question for you is, what behaviors
do men do that actually push you away? This is very, very valuable for men to hear
this so that they can know what behaviors you want them to do that actually draw him
closer to you. So go ahead and post that in the comment section
below. And take a moment, get subscribed to this
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the love in your life. Thanks so much for watching. I’ll see you soon.

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