DEPRESSION (The Truth about Depression that No One Sees or Understands)

DEPRESSION (The Truth about Depression that No One Sees or Understands)


Depression is one of the
most poorly understood conditions on the planet. All experts weigh in on what the cause is and cures of this situation is, but the thing is, is that most of what they say is all over the map. And often, is contradictory. And this can lead to people who
are suffering from depression, feeling even more depressed. Before I get into this episode, because I’m going to weigh in, on what actually is causing
depression how to cure it, I have to say that depression
is not a character flaw, depression is not a weakness and it is not something that
people should be ashamed of. What if I told you that you
could understand depression, if you understood a single sentence. I’m gonna give you
that sentence now, and I’m going to actually use
the remainder of this episode to fully explain this in depth, as well as what to do about it. The sentence is this: There is a big difference
between resisting futility, and accepting futility. Depression Everything that you feel has a cause. Dysfunctional brain chemicals or imbalance of brain chemicals, is not a cause, it’s a symptom. You have to understand that, before we go deeper into the
actual cause of depression. We are creators at our core. What I mean by that is that we are designed to come into
our physical time-space reality and to create the life
we specifically want. If we can’t do this, then how we feel is that we
cannot create personal expansion, we cannot fulfill our needs and we cannot fulfill our desires. This defies the entire
purpose of even being here. Basically when we can’t do this, we feel completely powerless. Depression is caused by
a situation in our life (or many) being something where no
matter how many times we try and try and try, we cannot cause it to
turn into what we want, and what would meet our needs. Therefore we feel it is futile. Futility and depression
are synonymous. Now what you will find is that life is relationships. If you’re talking about your “work life” what you’re really talking about is the relationship that you have to the people you work with, bosses, colleagues, any of the above. When you’re talking about “home life”, what you’re really talking about is also relationships, but this time with parents,
siblings, children, spouse… And here’s the thing, even when you’re talking
about a futile situation that has to do with you, that’s still a relationship. It’s a relationship between
two parts of you. It’s: “I feel futility about the part of me that
continues to behave in this way.” It’s still a relationship. So, Fundamentally, if we go even deeper and we drill this down
to the root of the root, this is what depression is about. This futility of depression, is that you perceive that in order for something to
become what you want and need, you need cooperation from other people
involved in this situation or other parts of yourself. Because you can’t
create it or change it by yourself or despite yourself. But they will not collaborate and cooperate. Therefore this incapacity
to change the situation, because you can’t do
anything about it, makes your self-esteem
go out the window. And you perceive yourself
to be forced to surrender to the tortured endedness, of the fact that your
life is suffering. This is pure futility. It is terrifying to learn that
you cannot make someone take your best interest
as part of their own, and collaborate toward you
feeling good in a given situation. This causes anxiety. But this anxiety is
simply the first phase before someone hits
a sense of futility. But this is what makes
depression, depression. When you hit that phase of futility, Instead of accepting that futility, you resist it. Part of you does not give up. Even though you see it’s futile. Now what this does, because you’re so heavily identified, with that part that is so separated from what you really
want and really need, is almost like you’re not
lost in the darkness, you are the darkness. To comprehend the
way this works, I want you to imagine
somebody who is in front of a gate, and this gate is blocking them
from getting to a village that they really want to get into. Now this person will try every way that they can possibly try to get through this gate
and into the village, until it dawns on them, that it isn’t happening. It’s futile. At this point they sit down. But what they do sitting down, is they emotionally resist the fact that
that gate is closed. Because in them there’s
actually a hope that even though it’s completely
out of their control, one day, maybe, it might happen. Basically, that suffering and darkness is just something you
have to hang on through. Now all of this is done as opposed to accepting
the futility of the situation and going to find another village. What you have to
see is that part of you is not willing to let go completely. You refuse to cut your losses. You’re so tied to the images of
how you need something to be, that you won’t give up on it. This resistance to the futility itself, is what makes you so
exhausted all the time. And also keeps you stuck in futility. Because you live in a
time-space reality based on the law of mirroring. Whatever you resist persists. Now people who are
suffering from depression when they really look at
this dynamic of depression, come up with reasons why
they can’t cut their losses. But what they
have to do, in fact, to even get out of depression is to
realize that it’s actually a choice. There’s a big difference between:
“I can’t” and “I choose not to.” a lot of times when we say
“can’t” it just means that I literally am in a situation where
it feels like so much of a lose-lose that it’s not really a
choice even though it is. But here’s the thing; No one knows better
than me, that you have completely valid reasons to
never be able to cut your losses. But the thing is, is you also have to see that it
keeps you powerless forever. It’s critical to become aware of just what you are so attached
to that you can’t let go of. By accepting that it
will never come to be. What are you afraid will happen, if you accept it is and
always will be futile? It’s at this point that it’s
worth it to mention that some people actually
use depression, as a way of avoiding suicide. I know that’s funny, cuz most people think
depression leads to suicide, but actually depression is
a way of avoiding suicide, for as long as it works. because of this; Most people are afraid that
if they really cut their losses and really accept the
futility instead of resist it, accept that that thing
that they can’t let go of, will never come to be in the way
they want it to come to be. A great majority of people think: “You know, if I had to accept that, I would have no reason to live.” “In fact, I’d wanna die.” Basically, they would see no future anymore. Now this often happens because a lot of times when we suffer
from chronic depression, we have the kind of personality where we want what we want, and we want it in
a very specific way. And we can’t see that
that thing we want can come through any other way. So for example, I work with a lot of people
who struggle with depression and it’s like: “Well I want
love from that one person, and everything else is just
like a crappy substitute.” “So, unless that one
person loves me, in a situation where quite literally
they don’t and so it’s futile,” then I don’t want to live anymore.” Now I know that it’s hard
if you’ve never experienced the meeting of a need,
any other way, to know that this universe, is full of unlimited potentials. So I’m not asking you overnight to just get: “Well, if you
just walked away from that village gate there
would be another village.” Most of you are like: “I don’t know that there’s
any other village, I could be wandering the desert
for the length of a Bible.” But even that can be an excuse that you use to not cut your losses and
to not accept futility. And this means, and it’s what you’re gonna
have to see eventually, you’re actually committed to a dead end. It’s a common assumption that depression is synonymous
with suppression. And this is both true, and not true. The reason is, is that most people,
when they suppress, they’re suppressing
because by suppressing, they do get something
that they actually need. For example, I’m in a relationship where
another person’s not okay with my anger and I
want a good relationship, so if I suppress, I can have a peaceful
relationship with this person. Now, we all know that
doesn’t work long-term. But the suppression is
still not ending in futility. Now what makes depression
so different from this, is that a person with depression
is often suppressing, not because they’re
actively suppressing, (it’s not actually getting them anything). What it is, is that
after years of trying to get that thing that they
need and want so badly to come to fruition,
and it not working, through expression, they realize there’s
no freaking point. Anytime they expressed themselves and what they needed
and what they wanted and anytime they
express themselves so as to try to get somebody to
change something they were doing so that that could
manifest in their life, it was futile. So, this means, that a person
ends up in a situation where why would I scream, if there was no one
there to hear me? Yes, this means that a person
has to suppress their truth and be inauthentic. But it’s a very different flavor
than normal suppression. The flavor of it is, there’s no point. It’s at this point, that I have to explain that this is a reason why
there’s such a high rate of depression in childhood. Because childhood is actually prison. We don’t like to look at it that way, but that’s how it is. If you can’t leave
your childhood home, unless someone rescues you from it, and most people aren’t
going to do that, because most people are gonna
recognize a home as being: “a loving home” as long as
certain needs are provided, then you’re a captive. And your experience and your capacity to bring
about what you desire, is totally dependent
upon your keepers. That means, if you have a parent
who is not willing to cooperate, by helping the child line up with what they desire and need and want, that child is powerless. It is futile. Now here is where the spiral
of depression gets even worse. Because if you are unwilling to
accept that something is futile, so as to redirect your attention towards any other way to
meet those needs and desires, then what you have to do is to stay in a situation that is futile. And to do that, you have to actually
betray a part of yourself. So actually, it is this refusal to accept the
futility of a given situation, that causes an internal
war to begin. Now what do you
know about betrayal? When one person
betrays another person, isn’t that person usually
really really angry? This is how this part
of you actually feels. When you take an action
to stay in a futile situation, and betray it in ways to
adapt to that futile situation, that part that is inside you wants you to freaking die. Emotionally, it feels like self digestion. People who struggle
with depression are both completely unaware of free will, and yet damaged by
free will all the time. This is what I mean by that: The majority of people who
struggle from depression, they feel like it is actually
their responsibility to try to get other people and circumstances
outside their control, to align, so that they can create what
they desire and want. In other words, they
expect themselves to be able to control those conditions
that are uncontrollable. And when they can’t control
those uncontrollable conditions, It makes them feel like
crap about themselves. At the same time they’re
acutely aware of free will. Why? Because it’s obvious that when
somebody else has free will, they are not going to
take your interests and best interest into consideration, they’re going to do
exactly what they want. Even if it’s in the exact opposite
direction of your actual desires. Basically your pain is that no one seems to
be willing to participate in creating your version
of a feel-good life. You feel like people
are all taking action intentionally or unintentionally and often idiotically as if oblivious, against it. You hate them for it. Why do you hate something? Because it hurts you. It hurts you that it
seems in your life, that nobody will use their free will to take your best interest
in continued consideration, so as to actually collaborate and cooperate to create a life
that would feel good to you. Also because you don’t see the fact that you are internally fragmented, it doesn’t make a sense to you, why you oftentimes don’t do what’s in your
own best interests. Talk about an atmosphere and
a climate of self distrust. But because you’re
unwilling to accept this and unwilling to accept the futility, basically it puts you in a position of painfully just waiting
for it to change one day. But the thing is, is that that waiting just gets
more and more and more and more painful. Because as those years go on, it just is proven to you
over and over and over and over again, how futile situation is. Then the third aspect of
the depression spiral sets in at this point. You look around the world and you realize: “No one else seems
to feel as futile I do.” “Great.” You make it mean
something about yourself. “There must be something
seriously wrong with me because I can’t feel good.” Then the third aspect of this
whole depression cycle will set in. And it looks like this: You’re looking around your
life and you’re realizing: “No one else seems
to feel as futile as I do.” “Happiness seems to be
working for everyone else.” And then you make
it mean something. “Something must be seriously wrong
with me because I can’t feel good.” But here’s what’s
actually happening: because of the magnitude
of the amount that you care about this situation, coupled with the magnitude
of futility in that situation you care so much about, doing all these things that would technically
make someone feel better, you know isn’t gonna
change that situation. It would be like throwing a
tic-tac at a charging rhino. Or trying to celebrate
an ice cream sundae, when you know there’s an
asteroid headed towards Earth. Or it’s like someone coming up
and showing you a comedy skit when someone you loved to death is
dying in a deathbed in the hospital. You’re gonna look
at that and be like: “This is ridiculous at this point.” Basically, you’re aware
that these little things are not gonna make this
bigger issue any better. Having said all this, what I’m about to say is
gonna make a lot of people really angry, but I’ve got to say it. Depression is actually a
relationship dysfunction. Most people don’t want
to see the depression as not chemically caused
mental illness, (remember that the imbalance
of chemicals is the symptom) but is the result of
relationship dysfunction. Because most people don’t want
to admit to the futility itself, in the relationships
they have in life. They would rather make
it about how they feel. In other words, to sit there and focus on
the chemical components of your mind and how
they’re going wrong, and what you can do to fix that, is actually a coping
mechanism in and of itself. Why? Be really honest with yourself. It feels more empowering and less futile to focus on something you can improve about
your own brain, than it is to try to fix the relationship dysfunctions
in your life. Especially when you’re
surrounded by people who seem so completely
unable to cooperate in creating anything
that feels good to you. Now death, you think
you have me there, right? A lot of people slip into
this pattern of depression after they lose someone, this is still a relationship
dysfunction. This is why: Understandably,
when someone dies, it takes a while to accept it, right? It takes a while to
accept the futility. The futility being, this person
is never gonna come back. So there’s a huge period
there were you’re feeling actually, really angry
that that dead person died in the first place, and isn’t really collaborating anymore on creating this life you had
in mind for you and them. There’s a second form of coping that this actually gets us, when we have depression
and we focus on the chemical component of the dysfunction that
we’re experiencing. And that is, that maybe, just maybe, if people see that we’re
not doing good and that we have something
actually wrong with us, they might actually cooperate, even if it is because of pity, enough to stop antagonizing our creation of what
we want and need. For this reason, I’m going to say it’s your choice whether you decide to use antidepressant medication
to begin with. I have huge issues with
anti depression meds, for a lot of different reasons, but some people seem to like them. The reason that I’m
not going to propose anti-depression medication, as a treatment for depression, is because it’s like
shutting up the voice that’s screaming about what it
actually needs to do to heal. Sometimes painkillers have a purpose. If they work for you. Sometimes that purpose is to take
the edge off the pain enough to let you focus on
the actual root cause of an issue so as to change it. But thinking that any
type of depression med is going to cure depression, is thinking that if you
clip a little bit of a stem, that’s coming out of the ground, that it’s never going
to grow back again. It is! The root is there. All that being said, what should you do if you
are dealing with depression? 1. Face your futility. Overcoming depression is all about admitting to and recognizing the fact that you actually
feel complete futility. Facing those situations
that are causing the futility, Resolving the situation that
is causing you futility, even and especially when that means accepting the futility so you can focus on getting
that thing somewhere else. Yet again, this could be one
situation or multiple situations, but right now, I want
you to look at your life through this lens of futility, now that you’re consciously aware of it. “How in my life, am I feeling completely futile?” People often never get
out of depression. Because all of the strategies they use are to try to make a
futile situation not futile, instead of accept that
that situation is futile, and trying to get those needs and
desires met in some other way. Basically, they try to resolve things in all of the futility resistant ways
that they can possibly think of, instead of facing the fact that the non acceptance of the futility is the problem. This is also why fighting depression is the dumbest thing you can do. That’s like resisting the resistance of the futility. 2. Do the completion process
with the feeling of futility, specifically. If you feel futility in your life, and this is what’s causing
your depression, then it is about the futility
in a current situation, but what you have to accept and see, is that that futility in
the current situation, is in fact a repeat or reflection, of a likewise scenario of futility that occurred in your childhood. This is a repetitive pattern. Obviously, we’ve got
to resolve the root. So, I want you to learn
the completion process. If you want to do this, my best suggestion is to
pick up a copy of my book that is quite literally titled: The Completion Process And if you don’t want
to do it by yourself, if you want to be led
through the process, you can find a practitioner to lead you through this process at www.thecompletionprocess.com 3. You need to work directly with the part of you
that resists the futility and refuses to cut your losses. This is the part that continues
to keep you adapting to the futile situation in ways
that are detrimental to you. And this sets up a pattern of
self-hate and internal anger. Also, work with a part of you
that is opposite of that one. You don’t even need to know
what that part is specifically. You can simply say: “I choose with my free will to
become the opposite part to the one that refuses
to accept the futility and cut my losses.” And allow yourself to
really be overtaken by the energy of
that part of yourself. To understand how to work with a
fragment of your own consciousness like this watch my video titled: Fragmentation (The Worldwide Disease) Also to increase the understanding
about the internally focused anger that is created by this part of
you, watch my video titled: Bulldozing (The Way To Ruin
Your Relationship With Yourself) 4. Having accepted the futility, you have got to find different
ways to move forward to get those needs and desires met in different ways that
aren’t dependent upon the futile elements of that situation. Do something new. Look for the options that you DO have. We get so stuck and
locked in depression because we are so focused
on what isn’t there and what isn’t happening. The gate isn’t opening. Instead of looking for a gate that’s open. Resisting a futile situation,
puts you in a rut in life. And this is why it
can be so beneficial, if you’re struggling from
depression, to just make a change. And I’ll tell you something, the more
drastic the change the better. Depression is all about focusing on what you can’t change and refusing
to accept you can’t change it. Instead of focusing on something else, or doing something else. So I want you to ask
yourself this question: “If I accepted that what I want
is never and I mean NEVER, going to happen, what would I do then or instead?” I know you’ve heard about
this type of scenario before. It’s this thing: if you stop focusing on
the door that’s closed, only then, do you see one of
the windows that’s open. It may be hard for you to believe
that your needs and desires can be met in any other situation. Or even that any other
situation actually exists. For this reason, I want you to watch
my video titled: The Zebra and The Watering Hole Also, I want you watch
my video titled: How to Meet Your Unmet Needs 5. You must develop safe relationships. Depression is first and foremost
relationship dysfunction. Dysfunction in terms of your
relationship with people in your external life,
and any sector of life, and relationship dysfunction between your internal parts. The specific dysfunction here, is that because of the
lack of collaboration, you find it very hard to
create the life you want. Most specifically, it is powerlessness and unsafety when no one will be an ally, to the creating of the
life you desire and need. This means you need
to go to places where people see, hear,
feel and understand you. You need to heal the trauma of no one choosing
to align with you, so as to participate in what you wanted and needed
to create for your own happiness. But this is part of
accepting the futility. To do this you have
got to stop trying to get people who have no
interest in doing this with you, to do this with you. For this reason, one of the most important
videos you will ever watch, is a video that I did called: How to Create a Safe Relationship. Also depression is an
intensely isolating experience. For so many different reasons. A) Because it was set up by that relationship
dysfunction to begin with. B) Because the more you see how unhappy you are versus
how happy everyone else is, the more alone you feel. C ) It makes you isolate. For this reason, I want you to pick up a copy
of my book that is called: The Anatomy of Loneliness This book breaks down what the actual elements
of loneliness are, what is causing it, and how to go from a state of
loneliness to a state of connection. 6. The more little things you can do to have control over your life, so you feel like you can create a life that is a mirror and match to your desires
and needs the better. Now this is where most
people go wrong with it, because the majority of advice that people give or tips
for how to cure depression, are done to try to
make you feel better. Stop actually focusing
on trying to feel better. Instead start trying to focus on what makes you feel a
little bit more empowered, a little bit less powerless, a little bit more capable of doing things and being in situations where your needs will be met, instead of situations that cause futility. Now the majority of advice that people give for how
to overcome depression, actually fit into this category. It’s just you have to look at
them in this different way. Instead of this being a little
thing that I’m doing to try to make myself feel good, let it be a little thing that
I’m doing so as to feel like I have a little bit more control, instead of futility, in terms of creating what I want. I’ll give you some suggestions
of what this might look like; Eating foods that make
me specifically feel good, especially in mood boosting foods, spending time with animals, getting a massage or
other form of touch, exercising, getting enough sleep, setting attainable and
achievable goals and scratching them off the list
when they’re accomplished, taking on responsibilities
which enable you to see your positive contribution, visiting and making new friends, (this prevents you from isolating) taking control of your focus through
positive focus or gratitude exercises, or working with your core beliefs, sitting out in the Sun, meditation, creating a routine, setting things in your
schedule each day that you can look
forward to even if it is as simple as watching
a comedy show, picking up a new hobby, changing up things
such as home decor, or what room you sleep in, or where you habitually go to eat. Yet again, if you’re doing
those types of things from an attitude of this
will make me feel better, you will just end up
more disappointed and with more proof that it’s futile. Because right now, that’s another form of futility. Feeling good is futile. Don’t do these things
to try to feel good, do them to try to see that you can have personal control, instead of feel totally powerless, to what you want and need. If someone in your life is
struggling with depression, please don’t be afraid of them. There’s nothing to be afraid of. Depression is not contagious. Also, people who are depressed, they need your presence. They don’t need your pressure. Now obviously, you don’t
know what to do to fix them. Nor does a person who’s
depressed actually need you to know what to do to fix them. And the reason that most people
who are depressed isolate, is because it sucks for them
to be around people who continue to have this
energy around them like: “I need you to feel better.” That’s pressure! So if you’re going to be around
somebody who’s depressed, have the attitude of: “I don’t care if you’re depressed
for the rest of your life, I’m still gonna be here because
being here is what I want to be.” That’s the only type of energy
that takes off the pressure for a person to suddenly feel good, which they feel futile about. And here’s the thing; A lot of you, you’re gonna have to
become comfortable with painful emotions. because most of the time when
people experience depression, they lose people in their life,
not because they feel bad, but because the people in their life are too afraid of their own feelings. To be around somebody
who’s suffering, it makes you feel something. If you’re not okay with
feeling that something, you’re gonna go away
from that person. Sort of thinking that they’re the
cause for the way that you feel. Really it’s just that you’re terrified
of feeling those emotions. Also, even if you’ve
watched this video, there is nothing that is
shameful about depression and this includes nothing shameful
or wrong about resisting futility. You know what this is like, Okay? If you had a child, or something you wanted worse
than anything in the entire universe, and that child was suddenly
swept down the stream, and there was nothing
you could do to get them, how long would it take you
to accept futility, do you think? This is what it’s like for
someone who’s depressed. This means overcoming depression
is a great deal more complicated than simply deciding
with your freewill to stop resisting and
accept that futility, and do different things that
are empowering instead. And it’s a great great
deal more difficult than just jumping out of a
hole that you got stuck in. If you want to do the
best that you can do besides being totally presence, than help somebody who
is currently depressed to face that pain, instead of trying to get
them out of their mood, by doing something that
will shift their focus. Really help them to
consciously go into it. In other words, instead of trying to get a depressed
person out of their darkness, hold their hand and dive in. If you are struggling
with depression, I can promise you that that feeling of zest for life, the feeling of wanting to wake up,
of having something to live for, being energized,
feeling inspired… Is on the other side of
feeling like you actually can create what you need and want. Guess what? There are people on this planet who want to cooperate
and collaborate, on fulfilling those desires
and needs with you. Basically, there are people
who want to be an ally to the creation of what you need, versus an antagonist. But all of this is
on the other side of focusing on the absence
of what you do want. And all of this is on the other side of, really consciously facing, accepting and resolving your futility, instead of subconsciously resisting that futility., Have a good week. Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte Subtitles by the Amara.org community

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