Depression: Why I Decided To Talk To My Doctor (Should You?)

Depression: Why I Decided To Talk To My Doctor (Should You?)

Depression after trauma is extremely
common, and I was not willing to admit that as when I was dealing with for
years. I think it’s really hard to explain to someone who hasn’t been
depressed or hasn’t felt severe depression what it is like. I was sitting
at a desk downstairs and staring at the wall and I have no idea how long I
was staring at it for…I was dead. It wasn’t that I wanted to die, it wasn’t
that I was hoping to die, it was that I was dead. I was so depressed. I had been
drowning in depression for years but I didn’t want to call it that honestly
because I didn’t want to be dramatic. And I was raised in the Christian Church
where you don’t really medicate problems often unless it’s, you know really, really
really severe and so I didn’t want to be a severe problem – I didn’t want to be
dramatic, so I never wanted to call what I was dealing with depression. But as I
was sitting there staring at the wall tears running down my face but not
really crying because I couldn’t feel anything because I was dead inside I
realized I have to do something about this because I’m not here – there’s
nothing about this that is life. There’s nothing about those things worth
sticking around for honestly and so I went and talked to my doctor a couple
weeks later. And I was really terrified to do it because I was afraid he wasn’t
gonna believe me, or I was afraid he was going to think I was just looking for drugs
or whatever or tell me that it wasn’t serious or whatever but that was not the
case, he listened to me he asked a lot of really intelligent questions and then he
said, you know, let’s just try something for a little while. Sometimes
people call antidepressants happy pills. They are not happy pills. They are don’t
wake up at a -10 pills. They are wake up maybe closer to a normal level
of okay pills. So instead of waking up at like a
-10, I was waking up closer to like a negative 1 or negative 2 like I
could start off closer to what I feel like most of society started off at. I
I shouldn’t use the word normal because who is normal honestly. It took a little
while to find the right drug, it took a little while for my system to
adjust to it, but life changed. I didn’t realize that there were days where I
could wake up and where that heaviness could lift for a second. I had walked
around I think most of my life really depressed and then when my life kind of
exploded that got significantly worse. I talked to friends about taking
medication for depression or not, a lot of people told me not to do it, a lot of
people told me you know go natural way or, you know, just exercise go outside
more and a lot of people said give it a shot see what happens and
so I eventually decided that it was the right decision for me to make. Because I
can’t tell you how much my quality of life improved and again that’s not that
I was happy all the time. It was that I was not ten feet underwater every second
of the day. There were actually moments where I felt okay. I could wake up and
the day might be alright. I think the decision to talk to a doctor about
depression is terrifying but worth it. I think the decision to take medication or
not is really difficult and frightening but
in my case it was absolutely worth it, because what I was dealing with was a
lot more severe than what I wanted to admit to myself and it was absolutely
clinical depression but I didn’t want to say that. I didn’t want to recognize that
I didn’t want to know that because I didn’t want to be a problem. I didn’t
want to be dramatic, I didn’t want to “whatever,” so if you think this might be
something that you’re dealing with, I cannot encourage you enough to talk to
someone, talk to people who you know love and trust who know you, talk to
professionals, talk to counselors and doctors and see if medication might be
the right option for you, see if there might be different options for you that
might be better. I eventually came to the conclusion that life is really too short
to be lived absolutely miserable every second of every day I know there are a
lot of people who are really against any kind of medication I respect that, I
really do, but for me I was so done wanting to die every second of every day.
And if depression is something that you think you may be dealing with, please
talk to someone about it because I really think life is too short to be
lived in constant agony, which is how I was living my life until I decided to do
something different about it. In the description of this video I have
attached some resources that are common signs and symptoms of depression but
guess what, there aren’t enough words on pages that
can tell you everything about your mental health so like I said if this is
something you think you might be dealing with please talk to someone professional
in person. I’m Joe Beckwith and this is Sophie who wanted to invade the video,
if you’re interested in seeing more videos like this please subscribe to my
YouTube channel or Facebook page, I look forward to seeing you next time and
please take care yourself until then!

One thought on “Depression: Why I Decided To Talk To My Doctor (Should You?)”

  1. I have struggled with depression since I was very very young, I Gave my heart to Jesus when I was 21 and my son was 2. I was dead set against going on medication and believed that my faith was the only way. When my son started kindergarten he had terrible, terrible issues and even violent outbursts. He was suspended! The school was no help and knowing what I know now could have been severely reprimanded or even sued for the lack of support. I tried everything I knew “spiritually” and nothing worked. I relapsed after being sober for three years, I was hopeless. In the end everything worked out, a family took him in while I went to a long term rehab. They put him on ADHD meds and he had one of the best years in school (in first grade, he also had an amazing teacher who knew how to work with kids who need more). The evidence was clear to me and when I came home I continued his medication. I still refused to take any meds for myself, even after the depression came back. A couple years ago I finally got on an antidepressant and it took a while to get there but life now feels manageable. We are now living our best life <3 It’s been a long road of suffering and mistakes (I’m now 33 and my son is 14) but my little family is “normal”, whatever that even means. I don’t know if I will be off meds ever (my son was on A ton of different meds for awhile and is now on only one that is a low dosage 🙂 All I know is that we are physical and spiritual beings and seeking professional help as well as spiritual is okay in Gods eyes, he uses whatever he pleases, and if something isn’t his will or his ways he will show us and redirect us.

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