Jamie – My way through depression

Jamie – My way through depression


It took me, to be honest, a few years to actually
realise that, you know, something bigger was going on here that I needed other people’s
advice and help on. I think a couple of friends just said “why don’t you see a counselor?”
kind of thing and at first I was just like “No I don’t need a counselor, you know. I
know myself better than anyone else, I know how to deal with that” I mean of course I
didn’t but that’s what thought. So once I got to university I started to see
different counselors and then I guess once you learn new things you realise what you’ve
been missing out on. You think gosh I could have learned this earlier. On the other side
you have to be careful, I think, not to rely on the counselors to solve your problems because
that’s not their job and I think it’s easy to fall into that trap of “I’ve done the hard
work of making the appointment, now let the counselor do the work, but you have to really
make sure you apply what you learn. That’s a really big part of it. I had a couple of other friends who just were
quite inspirational in a sense that they just kept listening and listening and listening
and that showed me, you know, how to be non-judgmental about someone, how to be encouraging. And
occasionally, you know, I probably had some people who I wouldn’t necessarily call friends
but they were quite frank about their thoughts about how I was and they were quite helpful
as well in the sense that they weren’t afraid to tell me where they thought I needed to
buck my ideas up or to be more proactive. The turning point for me was a slightly unusual
one I suppose. I had fallen in love with a girl who I thought was the answer to all my
emotional worries and for probably for a month I’d say, I was completely free of any negative
feeling about myself and life because we actually got along so well that, believe it or not,
she asked me to marry her within a month, which is not your traditional way of doing
things. But within about two to three months, things,
you know, the old Jamie came back and again, there’s always doubts and as soon as the doubts
creep in, then of course effects the way you relate to people and then you have more reason
for doubts and then so on, that vicious circle came right back straight away. And that was the kind of low point in my life
in a way. I mean, you know, I still thought … it’s very hard to explain, that, because
I was so low there was only one way to go — up, and I basically thought “well, what
am I going to do from here?” And I saw myself in the mirror with a very,
very, you know, depressed face and I thought I can be like this for the rest of my life
if I want, that’s an option. Or I can rise up from this and I can give everything I have
to make my own life better.” And it’s at that moment that I felt a sort
of freedom for the first time in my life.

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