Michael Landsberg: The Cruelest Lies Depression Can Tell Us

Michael Landsberg: The Cruelest Lies Depression Can Tell Us


For me, what it does worst of all, is it robs
me of my self-esteem. And this is the part that nobody talks about. And this is the part that you think you’re
the only one. Last night, I tweeted, “Gotta speak in Waterloo
before a great group tomorrow, and I’m really worried about when I wake up. Will I be me, or will I be the sick me, the
replacement me?” Because I can tell you that this, today, giving
two speeches, would be torture for me. All I would be thinking about is, “Why did
I agree to do this? Why am I here? This is so painful. I’m gonna be terrible. I’m gonna get up on that stage”—and, as
you can see, I’m not talking from notes—”I’m gonna get up on that stage and I’m gonna draw
a blank. So then I’ll start to talk and I’ll be kind
of panicked, and everyone will be looking at me thinking, ‘Wow, this guy’s a disappointment.'” That’s what it does to me. And that’s what it does to most of us. Self-esteem is the first thing to go with
depression. But you don’t know it, because your depression
lies to you. Your depression will tell you stories in your
head, and these stories will be so real that people—parents that adore their kids—would
believe that their kids would be better off if they were dead. That is how depression lies to you, and that
is how convincing it is. So, depression lies to me by saying, “You
know what, you just got a big mouth. You know, you think you can talk about shit? You can’t. You’re gonna be no good. Those people are gonna think you’re a joke.” That’s what lie depression tells me, and I
think it’s important to share that with you. Because everyone walks around with a kind
of a cocky swagger, maybe not so much as me, but most people will put up a wall. And they will show you what they think you
want to see, as opposed to what they’re feeling. And if you don’t realize that, you think everybody
else in the world is confident, but I’m the only one who’s breaking inside. So it helps to know that this guy, who was
up here talking to us, loses his belief in himself just like me. And that’s something that people need to hear,
and people need to share.

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