What is Transference In Therapy? | Kati Morton | Kati Morton

What is Transference In Therapy? | Kati Morton | Kati Morton

– Hey everybody, today I wanna talk with you about transference in therapy. What is it, why does it happen,
and how can we make it stop. (gentle music) First let’s define transference. Now transference describes an experience when a person unconsciously
redirects certain feelings, expectations, or
desires onto someone else. Now this most commonly
occurs in therapy meaning a client transfers all of this
stuff onto their therapist, but it can happen in our regular life to. Now the reason that
it’s called transference is because we’re transferring
all of those feeling, desire’s, expectations onto someone else and trying to, essentially,
recreate a past relationship that could have been hurtful. Often times it’s like a parental type role but it can be romantic
to, let’s say we had a really abusive or
neglectful significant other, or a abusive or neglectful mother, father, we can transfer all that we feel and all that’s happened
in that relationship onto another person. And like I said, it’s most
commonly your therapist. And the reason that they
think that transference occurs most commonly in therapy is because it’s essential a safe place and so often times it
allows our subconscious to really speak and we can emote more because it’s kind of
that environment where we’re supposed to be doing
that in the first place. And I also briefly want to touch on what countertransference is
because I’m sure if you looked up transference at anytime you saw counter transference
as another definition. Now countertransference is
kind of what it sounds like. If we as a client are
transferring some feelings and desires and expectations onto the therapist or onto someone
else, that other person can counter back and react out of it. And what that really means in therapy is that the therapist hasn’t
got their shit together, they haven’t been in therapy themselves, or it’s been a while,
or maybe they’re having a really long day, cause
we’re human to, right, we’re not perfect, but
countertransference is when we, as the person who’s been
transferred onto reacts out of those expectations and those feelings and usually it’s kind of
like a negative thing, meaning if you were to
transfer onto me all that you felt about your neglectful father and I get angry, and frustrated, and I act out like that,
that would be what we would consider counter transference,
does that make sense? I hope it’s clear, I’ll
also put in the description like my own definition if this
isn’t making sense to you. Now transference can be both good and bad, meaning the emotions or the things that we’re transferring
onto someone else can be good things or bad things,
so know that it’s not always a bad thing, we can
be transferring on loving, hopeful, good feelings
because it’s, you know, the relationship with
maybe our closest grandma, or aunt that we are transferring onto our therapist or our friend. And know that transference in therapy can also be romantically based meaning that we may transfer on some loving, romantic feelings, I’ve heard from a lot of people that they’ve
even, quote unquote, stalked they’re therapist, like looked up stuff up about them online
so they could figure out where they live and
how many kids they have, and see pictures of them on Facebook, know that that’s all kind of part of this and it’s completely normal. The thing that’s the most important is that when we feel these things coming up, when we find ourselves
putting all of those emotions and expectations or maybe
we’re having romantic feelings for our therapist that we
talk about it in therapy, and I know many of you just cringed and like hid your face
because I don’t wanna talk about it, what are they gonna think. Like I said at the very, very beginning, this is so incredibly normal it’s part of the therapeutic process for many people and the sooner we start
talking about it in therapy, the sooner it’ll go away. Because when transference isn’t addressed or worked through in
therapy it can leave us at that spot, meaning if
we were acting out of a child time memory, like
we’re transferring on a child hood memory in a
relationship with a person when we were a child, if
that’s where we’re coming from, it can leave us feeling
like that child again, without any tools to cope
and it can make us feel very frantic, very vulnerable,
and extremely scared. Like I said, transference can occur in therapy and out of therapy. When it’s happening outside of therapy I just wanna caution you, if we notice it’s happening and we can feel it, it’s extremely dangerous because people aren’t
going to really know how to respond, a lot of people
out there aren’t therapists and don’t even know what transference is and wonder why you’re acting
so differently towards them and so it can actually
put us in a situation where we’re extremely vulnerable and we maybe acting out
that child like state, and we’ve left ourselves open and someone could be very damaging
and lash out or cut us out of their life, and cut off completely and that can leave us
feeling even more lost and even more hurt and
almost leave us stuck in that childhood, or that
child like experience. But when this happens in
therapy it’s truly so helpful. What it shows me as a therapist is what stuff do we really need to work on? Are there things that
we haven’t even touched on because we’ve been so
busy managing other symptoms? This tells me when
there’s unresolved stuff, it’s almost like a little
red flag, like hey, over here, you forgot to work on this and so know that it’s not
seen as a negative thing, it’s actually, to me, very positive because then I can take that information, we can talk all that
you’ve been putting at me and pulling into the room
and we can talk about it, we can process it. I can realize maybe that
relationship is what we need to be working on most so that we can give you the space and time to heal. Give you some tools so
that you don’t feel stuck in that space, you don’t
have to feel like you have to try to keep recreating
those relationships, hoping for a different outcome. We, together, can work on some tools and give you some things to use so that that stops happening altogether. So just make sure that
you do you best to express this to you therapist
because if we don’t know that you’re feeling this
way we can’t really help you work on it, we’re
not mind readers, right, we’re human to so work on telling them, whether that’s writing it
down and emailing it to them, however you can communicate it best, let them know what you’re feeling and what maybe you are
experiencing in therapy, in the room, with them because only then can we help you process through it. Also when a lot of my
clients are struggling with transference, and
even though we’re trying to talk about it it kinda gets in the way. Something that has been
helpful is for me to explain to them all of that ways that I’m different from that person. It could be just one
mannerism that I’m doing that reminds you of them and that’s why the
transference is happening. So we need to figure
out that other things, other than that one
mannerism that are different and that set me apart
from that other person. But as always if you feel
that the transference is getting in your way, it’s
making therapy impossible, and it’s impeding you
progress, it’s perfectly okay to say that to them and
to ask for other referrals and start seeing someone
else because at the end of the day it’s just really
important that you know this is normal, it’s part
of the work in therapy, and it can be overcome, with
the right therapist, right? I hope you found that helpful,
I know this is something a lot of you have been
wondering about so leave in the comments what’s
been your experience, and if you’re new to
my channel don’t forget to subscribe and turn
on the notifications, that little bell next
to the subscription box and I will see you next time, bye. Subtitles by the Amara.org community

One thought on “What is Transference In Therapy? | Kati Morton | Kati Morton”

  1. I killed my rapist, in 2011. Can I talk about this, in therapy, without notification to the authorities; or, do I need to keep it to myself?

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